Spinned Out

(that's me in the back with the blue shirt, I have no idea what Janice was smiling about)

Well, true believers, as it seems my lot in life, I just can not show up anyplace on time. And Saturday, when I was driving to Hillsborough for a spin class fundraiser by our teammate Bill, was no exception. I was 20 minutes late.

Here’s my two reasons why I was yet again tardy: First, Janice told me it was about the same distance to drive from where we usually go riding in Basking Ridge (it’s another 20 minutes at least). And two, I could not for the life of me get the Garmin Street Pilot to recognize the address. It only can understand a street to have one name and in one format, and if you don’t put it in exactly as it likes, then you are completely SOOL. I had to go to 290 Route 206 South, AKA US Highway 206, AKA, Route 206, AKA US 206, AKA me sitting there in my kitchen cursing like a sailor at a little electronic headache maker. The trick was just to put in the number of the Route. Any other attempt ended in failure. That thing can be a life saver, and other times, like on Saturday, it’s about as useful as tits on a bullfrog.

So, once I had my well-endowed electronic amphibian properly programmed, off I went. An hour later, I pulled into BODY SHOP, a well-maintained full-service fitness place, complete with day care and free protein bars and drink powders with names like “Muscle SUPERBAR” and “Accelerade”. (I haven’t tried the bar yet, but Accelerade is gross.)

I looked around the place, saw the big purple TNT banner, but I could not find where the spinners were spinning. Then I spied it, a small unlit room, with the tell-tale whirring of spinning bicycles mixed with blasting music and an instructor barking out orders to the panting horde packed in like sardines. There must have been nearly 30 bikes crammed into this 15x15 cave. Some people were kind enough to shuffle around to make some room for me and this tall woman knew my name for some reason.

When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I realized it was Janice, with Jennifer to her left. And I got right down to spinning. Sit up, sit down, crank up the tension, crank it down, sit up again, faster, slower, and so on, and so on. What they didn’t have to tell you was to sweat like some one just dunked you in a river and breathe like you have a lung missing.

The first session wrapped up and Janice wanted to stick around for another class. As I had got there late and it had taken me an hour to get there, I was game. So, we went through another class, new music, new instructor, same sit up and down and pedal then slow down.

After round two, I caved in and had one of those GU gel energy paste things that taste like Duncan Hines icing, but are loaded with caffeine. Chocolate seems the only flavor that you can’t botch too badly.

Sugar fix in hand, Janice pleaded with Jennifer and I for yet another class. It was getting late, so we compromised on half a class. The problem was, when half the class was up, Jennifer had a change of heart (Janice worked us over with the passion of a seven-year old vying for the new fangled expensive toy for Christmas), and we ended doing a third class - In a row. And then every one in the class was bugging us to stick it out. And I was like, "Gee, fellas, as much as I like spending three hours in a dark, windowless closet with a dozen sweaty strangers with dance music pumping into my skull and an exercize nazi shouting at me..."

My legs had gone from shaky to downright wobbly now and I was beat and I needed to eat.

Mercifully, there were a number of places to eat just across the street. We ended up at Charlie Browns, a steakhouse chain that I had thought gone out of business a few decades ago. The burger was subpar, but the company more than made up for it.

If I can keep this sort of thing up, maybe I will be able to shed a few pounds during all this training. But I have to refrain from following every workout with a burger and fries, I think. But my paring down to a less pear-like shape is a dividend. The point is trying to pitch in to cure Leukemia, which killed my uncle Ed last year. Bill raised $2,000 last Saturday, and all for an excellent cause. Man, I have to put together a spin class.